Why the Holidays Hit Harder
There are many logical reasons why the holidays hit harder when it comes to grief and loss, and some of them could be:- Sensory overload: Holiday music, scents, traditions, and even the quality of the light during the winter can trigger powerful memories
- Cultural pressure: Expectations to be cheerful and grateful can intensify feelings of isolation
- Performance anxiety: Leaders often feel they must hide vulnerability and “perform happiness” to maintain credibility
Understanding Ambiguous Grief
Not all losses are clear-cut. “Ambiguous grief” occurs when loss lacks closure, is unclear, or remains unresolved according to psychologist Pauline Boss. In professional contexts, this might include:- A mentor with dementia who no longer recognizes previous team members
- Team dynamics that dissolved or shifted significantly after organizational restructuring
- A career identity fervently pursued for perfection and now must be released, but still feels present
- The colleague who left the organization without a proper goodbye
- Strained relationships where someone is physically present but emotionally absent (which is prevalent in family situations, as well)
The Five Stages: A Map, Not a Mandate
A familiar and long-standing grief framework was identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross as the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—while these stages have become culturally accepted, they are not a linear checklist according to Kübler-Ross. They can be experienced simultaneously, with skipped stages entirely, and/or in a sequence that is completely “out of order.” Grief doesn’t follow rules, and there’s no “correct” way to move through it. For more on the five stages, discover the Kübler-Ross Foundation here: Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and the Five Stages of GriefSupporting Yourself This Season
According to grief experts, there are a few practical ways that leaders can support themselves during the holidays and into the darker days of winter:- Permission to opt out: There is no obligation of cheerfulness or attendance to events. Say no to gatherings that feel like too much
- Create new rituals: Light a candle, write a letter, or donate to a meaningful cause. Small acts can honor a loss without erasing the pain
- Communicate clearly: Tell needs with colleagues, teammates, or family. “I’m keeping things low-key this year” gives others permission to provide support
- Protect energy supplies: Grief is exhausting. Rest more, commit to less, and release the pressure to maintain a usual pace
- Seek support: Therapy, coaching, or grief counseling provides a container for feelings too large to process alone.