Please meet Mark. Mark is a 41-year-old portfolio director at a growing tech firm. He’s ambitious and recently got shortlisted for a VP- role. The promotion would mean more recognition, higher pay, and a bigger influence within the company—something he’s worked hard for over 15 years.
However, Mark is also a father of two young children and recently supported his wife through a medical recovery. During that time, he realized how much he values being present with his family and how his high-stress, always-on work life has taken a toll on his health and his time with the family. He now has high blood pressure and trouble sleeping.
Mark feels stuck. Pursuing the promotion might jeopardize the new balance he’s beginning to build—but stepping back feels like giving up a dream. He came to coaching to sort out these conflicting priorities.
Trade Off Analysis
Mark is navigating value-based conflict—a common coaching theme when personal and professional identities evolve. In essence, values pursued in isolation yield desirable outcomes but create tension and often counteract when pursued in parallel. In our case, these tensions are likely:
- Ambition vs. Well-being: Mark may have always identified as a high-achiever. Stepping away might feel like losing a piece of his identity and self-worth.
- Presence vs. Prestige: He’s experiencing guilt when he’s not fully present at home, but also a deep pull toward professional legacy and impact.
- Short-term wins vs. Long-term health: The VP role might advance his career but exacerbate stress and reduce recovery time for his health.
Does all this sound familiar? Most of us have been in situations like this, perhaps are even negotiation a similar scenario right now. Attachment to both values will likely only create suffering and frustration. So how do we become less attached to the value combinations we cannot achieve and focus on creating a sustainable environment within existing professional and personal restrictions? I want to offer the following steps towards harmonizing values, which have worked for many of my clients.
Start with Powerful Questions
Identity & Purpose – What kind of leader—and person—do you want to be in five years? – How has your definition of success evolved in the past 5 years? – What does “winning” look like for you now, across all areas of life?
Trade-offs & Alignment – What are you afraid might happen if you say “no” to the promotion? – If you accept the promotion, what needs to change to support your health and family values? – Which values feel non-negotiable—and why?
Boundaries & Energy – Where are you spending your energy right now? What’s giving and what’s draining? – How would you design a workday that honors both your ambition and your well-being?
Self-Reflection Tips
Consider a 4-week, daily exercise of journaling on the following:
- Energy Check-In: At the end of each day, ask “Did I honor my values today?” and “Where did I compromise?”
- Success Redefined: Weekly, jot down three moments that felt meaningful—not just productive.
- Body Signals: Keep a log of sleep, energy, and physical stress symptoms to connect lifestyle with choices.
- Mini-Wins: Celebrate moments of presence, balance, or saying “no” when necessary—tiny, aligned actions matter.
- Based on your observations create a 30-Day Action Plan for Progress & Insight
| Week | Focus Area | Goal/Activity | Reflection Prompt |
| Week 1 | Awareness | Track time and energy daily: personal vs. work | Where did I feel most like myself this week? |
| Week 2 | Values in Action | Identify 3 core values; create a “values alignment filter” for decisions | What decision or action felt misaligned? How can I adjust? |
| Week 3 | Boundaries & Communication | Practice setting 1–2 boundaries (e.g., no emails after 7 PM, 1 work-free day) | How did others respond? How did Ifeel? |
| Week 4 | Integrated Vision | Draft 2 life paths: one with the promotion, one without. Include personal/family aspects. | Which version aligns more with the person I want to become? Why? |
Include your findings in your goal planning or developmental plan, so you and your coach can review wins, tensions, and support needs throughout the cadence of your sessions.
From “Either/Or” to “Both/And (with Boundaries)
Trade-offs are not always about loss or sacrifice. They are opportunities to live in deeper alignment by pursuing a more wholistic, sustainable good. When we pause to reflect, we can move from a mindset of scarcity to one of intentional choice, recognizing that by choosing what truly matters now, we are not giving something up, but rather making space for a more integrated life.
Elevate Your Leadership Potential
To learn more about balancing the climb and executive coaching, reach out for a consultation.